I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
