if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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