Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Randomize
