my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
