Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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