I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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