we have pet lesbian snakes
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
