So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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