I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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