I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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