You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Randomize
