There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
