i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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