is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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