My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
