I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
