The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
