My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize