So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
