Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
