She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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