Rock
Scissors
Fuck
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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