PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
My ATM looks so different sober.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
