Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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