Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
