I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i think i have two assholes
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
