he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
