He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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