addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
