My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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