His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
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found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
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The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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