god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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