Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
