Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
