pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
