I think I died a long time ago.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
