Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
