He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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