its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
