She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
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...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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