I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
