i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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