So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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