we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
