Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Randomize
