Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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