i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Help. Why am I so naked?
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