Can i not drive my cunt home
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
