I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
