i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
