I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
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apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
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You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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