glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
