ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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