Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
