why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
