I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
