You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
