im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
