Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
