i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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