so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
