If that was your dad, he is hot
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
