Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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