The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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