So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
