Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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