So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
