And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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