I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
