I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she looked like the before picture.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
