I hope mine doesn't look like that
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
