I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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