Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
