haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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