I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
