some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
