The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
