He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
