i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
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