what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
